This is one of the questions I get asked the most.
Strong women struggle in dating for one main reason — and it’s not their strength. They struggle because they’ve learned to approach love from masculine energy, instead of feminine energy.
So what is feminine energy, really? Let me show you through a story from my own life. It’s a longer post, but stay with me until the end, because it might completely change the way you see dating.
I had been working for a multinational company for years, when, out of nowhere, our whole team was cancelled. Overnight — we were all out of a job. And we had to find a new position inside the company 𝑓𝑎𝑠𝑡.
There were a few open roles. Funny thing? The jobs I didn’t really want — they all wanted me.
But there was 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐞 I truly wanted. My dream job. I felt it was 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐞.
And the moment I wanted it so badly… I slipped into control mode without even realizing it. I sent an email before they even asked. Wrote a long motivational letter basically saying: 𝑃𝑖𝑐𝑘 𝑚𝑒! I am the best! During the interview, I sold myself hard. And ehm, I didn’t stop there 😅 After the interview, I even sent extra examples of my work.
Looking back, it’s almost funny. But at the time, I was performing, forcing, trying to control the outcome so badly. And do you know what happened?
𝐈 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐣𝐨𝐛.
They gave it to my colleague. And here’s the ironic part: I know she wasn’t even interested. She went in relaxed, unattached… and left the role two months later 😂
At the time, I was crushed. Because I knew she didn’t even want it. But later, I started noticing a pattern that was impossible to ignore. Every role I didn’t care that much about — the ones where I was relaxed, soft, and just being myself — I was wanted. But the one I fought for so hard… was the one I didn’t get.
And suddenly it hit me: the less I forced things, the more life seemed to flow. The more I tried to control the outcome, the more it slipped away.
And that was my wake‑up call.
So I made a decision. No more trying to force outcomes. I chose to trust that the right job would come at the right time.
I started living differently. I swam in the lake every morning, took long walks, and for the first time in a while, I actually let myself enjoy that in-between season instead of fighting it. Deep down, I trusted that what was meant for me would find me.
And don’t get me wrong – I was not passive. I still took healthy action. I applied for roles, showed up for interviews, and prepared well. But I stopped trying to control the outcome, because that part was never really mine to control.
And guess what? A few weeks later, I went to another interview for a role I really liked. But this time, my energy was completely different. I was calm, present, and no longer trying to impress. I simply showed up as myself.
And 𝐈 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐣𝐨𝐛.
And that’s when I realized: This is 𝐞𝐱𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐥𝐲 how dating works.
You take healthy action — you say yes to dates, show up open, warm and receptive. But then – you surrender. Because attraction rarely grows when we try to control it.
You don’t chase. You don’t try to make something happen. You trust that the right man will come at the right time and will pursue you because he truly wants to. And until then, you fully enjoy dating – and your single life.
That surrender after you’ve taken action is 𝐟𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐠𝐲. Not trying to force the outcome. Simply showing up and being yourself. And there is something deeply magnetic about that. In love, in career, in life.
And doing part and the act of control – trying to control the outcome, to impress, to perform – is masculine energy.
But here is the important part: life works best when these two energies are in healthy balance.
Masculine energy helps you take action. It gets you on the dating app. It helps you reply to messages, say yes to dates, and actually create opportunities to meet someone.
Feminine energy is what comes next. When you are texting or sitting across from a man on a date, that’s the moment to soften. To stop trying to impress or make something happen.
Just be present. Be yourself. And trust that the right man will see your value and move toward you on his own.
Use masculine energy to take the step. Use feminine energy to release the outcome.
Now you may be wondering why this works — and how to actually embody this feminine energy in dating. I’ll go deeper into that in some future posts.
